Onicha by air!

"Osha by air….Osha by air...look…make u watch wey u dey go..oo"

"Are you talking to me"

"Yes, No …Sorry sir"

Oga no vex, I no know say na you, sir

Sir…?

"Sorry Sir…sorry Chief, ezego gburugburu"

"Make you watch wey you dey go…oo.."

"Thank you, sir"

"Oga enter motor…dis wan go reach Onicha before you say katakata"

"You sure say road ..good?

Oga, road no be problem, na when we reach home na im ikpokrikpo dey happen"

"Dat na small thing, na just dis cash and carry boys, thirty eight years old, and he dey shake country…chief of ego..eselu …. isi me bi…."

"But oga no be bad thing, I think everybody dey complain say Yarriba and Eboe no dey cooperate…."

"Which Yarriba and Eboe? You mean Ngige and Ige"?

"Which kind name be dat, abi dem be cousins"

"No, one na Yarriba, dey other be Eboe"

"So wetin be dey wahala, abi war never end since, Oga, I hear say Ige, dat na dey Yarriba, dey drink palm wine with Uba"

" Na because dem get three letter name?"

"No sir, dem want overthrow Ngige…"

"But I think say Ngige and Ige be cousins?"

"No sir, you dey confuse…dem be Yarriba and Eboe"

"But you say dem dey drink palm wine together"

"No… na Uba and Ige"

"Okay ..na dem be cousins?"

"No sir, dem just get three letter names….. But all these Eboe men wey get three letter names…like Obi, where dem say win dey election for Anambra and Imo for Abia, or that Oji wey dey chop man under flyover bridge for Lagos..abi all of dem don craze?"

"Oga enter motor we go comot leave you, abi you no wan travel again…."

"Na all these yeye Fulani people wey Ikemba de hang out with na them dey cause dey trouble…Ikemba…I think him from Anambra.."

"Dem no wan make Eboe and Yarriba dey cooperate."

"Oga, dem say na coup…"

"Coup ke….which kin chicken coup be dat….dem just take dey guv’nor into protective custody for his own safety….make him thank him stars say, na Ige carry am no be "da" boys."

"I think say you been wan go Onicha, go buy goods"

"Go do wetin for Onicha…God forbid bad thing."

"I hear say na their bride price na him high pass, dat na why even their Owelle never marry…"

" Na for your mouth I hear am…o"

"Dem say Bakasi boys na dem de run show, even their last guv’nor don take off, I hear say him know wetin happen to one pregnant woman wey dem kill …"

"Na lie…the pregnant woman …na accident…na dey baby where dey her belle dem wan kill…"

"Alarula..e….Eboe man don come full cycle."

"Ever since Eboe man change him name from Ibo to Igbo…na so so nkoro way dem de follow…"

"Oga you mean say all the trouble for south east na because of three letter name change?"

"Of course, the deputy guv’nor name na Ude, he change am to Udeh, the other one na Eze, he change am to Ezeh, and even Uzo change him own to Uzoh…Ike dem change to Iyke"

"Na wao…abi na dis kind people we for dey biafra together?"

"Comot…..you no like Eboe people, infact you have a deep seated hatred against the Eboes."

"Calm down now, don’t you know I have Eboe friends."

"Who…mention one…"

"Ike, Uzo, Ani, Ibe…Uju… Ude… Ojo….plenty, but the Eboes where I know get three letter names, infact, if you see any Eboe man with four letter name…make you run, na cash and carry generation"

"But Yarriba follow get three letter names like Tai, Lai, Ojo, Ayo etc…"

"That is why dem dey cooperate…Ige say him save Ngige life"

"Yeye olopa he wan do coup, he first go drink palmy, he think say coup and strike na dey same."

"Oga I hear say Ige, na Owu man"

"You think say Obasanjo sabi wetin dey go on, I hear say na him tell de former guv’nor to run away?"

"Look wetin concern Obasanjo with Anambra, abi oil dey for Anambra?"

"Na family matter...jo,  Kalu goat, chop Kalu yam…if Eboes like, make dem kill themselves, you no hear say Obasanjo don call security council meeting on Niger Delta, all this noise about Anambra, no be him wahala."

"Everybody know say na so dem dey …when dem tire, dey go do ‘Boys obey’…that is all"

"You still dey worry"

"Warri ke"

"God dey, make Obasano and Danjuma dey share de oil money.. jare"

"At least dem sabi chop clean mouth"

"Of course, dat na why we no fit get Eboe President..dem no sabi chop clean mouth"

"You think say Danjuma go do anything for Warri?"

"Who sigh, dem send am to go for pacification operation, not to solve the problem"

"Oga, wetin be pacification? Abi dem want turn Warri into Paris"

Sighs…"If no be say ground no level, who for dey discuss with una….. Pacification…"

"Oga, no vex now…..you too dey use big bukuru"

"Okay, forget about it, anytime una never eat belleful na so brain dey travel"

"But wetin dey worry me be say why Calabar dey peaceful, and Warri no dey?"

"Look you, you done ever hear anybody ask: Who own Calabar?"

"Oga, but…"

"No. but me….."

"Onicha.. Onicha by air, Osha by air……Hold your money I no get change…o"

July 2003